Can You Depend on You?
Firstly, I like me best when I can depend on meeting my commitments to myself.
Why? Because it means I respect and value myself enough to stick to them despite distractions that arise.
Secondly, people like me better when they can rely on me. I respect and value their presence in my life. I am aware that they deserve what I've committed to just the same. That being said, this is not something I always believed as a testament to how I showed up for myself.
STORY TIME:
When I lived in Toronto, I was often lost in my ego's illusions to feel worthy through external factors such as unhealthy relationship, materialism and a hella busy schedule. Busy meant distracted and that supported my ability to suppress, repress, avoid and temporarily bury all that I found uncomfortable and unbearable.
I remember one birthday, I was so upset when only one close friend showed up. I thought,
"WOW, how disrespectful of everyone else that says they are my friend and that they care about me when this is such an important day to me and they are no where to be found."
I was so mad, it consumed my night. Thoughts were flooding my mind and uncomfortable tense feelings were crippling my body:
“Why do they show up for others and not me? There must be something wrong with ME. I'm broken. I'm not fun. I'm lame. Why can't they just be interested in what I want to do?"
I was incredibly self-absorbed in my feelings, my stories and my perceptions - seeing everything only from my own self-inflicted suffering. Everything was about "feeling better" through the lens of my Ego. People, things, my job and so on, all instruments to serve my ego.
It never occurred to me that others were not going to just commit to me when I was consistently bailing on myself and on them. At that point in my life, bailing on others looked like me showing up for them only to meet my own self-serving agenda.
I would bail on my health goals because I wanted to be “cool”. I would bail on my boundaries and say yes to things that were only to satisfy my need to be accepted. I would even lie if it meant I didn’t have to be honest with myself and step into the discomfort that came with not being able to please someone else.
Compassionately, I wasn't aware of my own self-sabotaging behaviors let alone how it could have possibly impacted my relationship with myself and others.
You probably won't like this because I know I didn't when I first realized it: don't expect others to commit to you or your vision when you are consistently unreliable with yourself. I was not being realistic and aware of my expectations.
GOOD NEWS!
Boundaries help.
Professionals in psychotherapy and wellness help.
Self-Compassion & Stillness help.
If you commit to something or someone without clear intentions and awareness, you will be susceptible to bailing at the first sight of discomfort or unpleasantness. A shiny red ball will come in the form of a super enticing distraction!
Don't over commit. Take time to assess and speak up when you cannot stick with your commitments.
Take Ownership. It's no one's fault if you aren’t able to stick to your commitments, invite compassion in.
Are you blaming others for YOU not making it to the gym? Not eating healthy? Not meditating? NOT FINISHING THAT BOOK?
I've created a Personal Commitment Guide for you to access FREE right here in 2 different colours!! I offer these, and other tools in my individual coaching programs and workshops.
If you are curious, book a session by filling out this inquiry form here.
I hope this helps and look forward to hearing from you soon!
xo
Megs